I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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