32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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