Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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