No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
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I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
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my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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