shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
please come you make the beer taste better
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
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I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
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I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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