the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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