Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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