Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona

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(310): first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona http://tfl.nu/f4h4

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.

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(580): White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy. http://tfl.nu/gb3d

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(562): View more from California

CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!

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(562): CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?! http://tfl.nu/fpdj

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater

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(717): Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater http://tfl.nu/n56s

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(915): View more from Texas

like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on

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(915): like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on http://tfl.nu/aizw

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(850): View more from Florida

We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.

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(850): We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun. http://tfl.nu/0mma

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(309): View more from Illinois

with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.

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(309): with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone. http://tfl.nu/1pr2

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(281): View more from Texas

seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout

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(281): seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout http://tfl.nu/w9k1

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(309): View more from Illinois

remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..

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(309): remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him.. http://tfl.nu/o0zu

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.

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(780): I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now. http://tfl.nu/ehba

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(910): View more from North Carolina

In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.

(919): View more from North Carolina

RIP Mr Bojangles.

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(910): In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic. (919): RIP Mr Bojangles. http://tfl.nu/00j7

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(206): View more from Washington

The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.

(909): View more from California

Whaaaaaat? No way.

(206): View more from Washington

Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.

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(206): The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag. (909): Whaaaaaat? No way. (206): Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier. http://tfl.nu/t9qj

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(651): View more from Minnesota

As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.

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(651): As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week. http://tfl.nu/bh6r

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(843): View more from South Carolina

No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction

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(843): No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction http://tfl.nu/q1mm

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(985): View more from Louisiana

Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.

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(985): Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine. http://tfl.nu/rmj5

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