I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
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He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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