I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
how drunk are you?
Several
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
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