Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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