i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
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I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize