new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize