her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize