yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
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and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
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It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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