I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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