dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize