So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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