I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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