so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
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I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
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that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize