the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Randomize