Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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