My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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