he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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