btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize