saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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