you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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