Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
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Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
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I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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