My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize