Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
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dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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