I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
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Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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