I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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