If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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