She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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