I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
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I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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