I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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