You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
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That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
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I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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