There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize