I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize