she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
What drink are we having for lunch?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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