My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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