My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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