She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
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and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
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I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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