shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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