i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
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How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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