i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
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when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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