I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize