Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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