Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize