I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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