If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
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Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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